did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize