There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
