So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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