I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
