He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
