Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
