Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize