I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
