If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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