just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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