College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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