I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
