they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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