Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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