nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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