dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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