There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
