He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
