So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
