im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
