I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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