i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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