hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
