You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
