you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found a bag of teeth...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
