Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
