Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
