just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
