The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
