Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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