Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
