he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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