you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
