Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
