just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
