I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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