Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to calm my uterus...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
