i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
