If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why do cheetos always look like penises
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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