it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
