a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
