his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
