just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
