Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
