I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize