obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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