that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
