he wants to bone in the snuggie
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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