You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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