Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
