I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
