I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
