We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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