I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
