We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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