I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
