no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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