All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
