You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
