I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
