Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
