I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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