It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
