The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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