if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this will be a night to untag.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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