we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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