when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize