It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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