A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
