I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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