Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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