i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
