dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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