Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Even my vagina gasped.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
