Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
